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Selecting Your Friends (Part 2)

by Micky Galloway

A good friend is a wonderful thing. Abraham bears the unique description of being a friend of God (II Chronicles 20:7; Isaiah 41:23; James 2:23). What a great honor! We concluded our study last week with the statement, “A good friend is valuable, but the wrong kind of friends will ruin us.” Proverbs 13:20, “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed”(KJV). A good friend who will help us do right is worth every effort to keep. The warning of Paul in I Corinthians 15:33 is real, “Be not deceived: Evil companionships corrupt good morals.” As important as this is, how then can we select and maintain the right kind of friendships? Again, we turn to the Proverbs.

A good friend doesn’t repeat everything he hears. “An ungodly man digs up evil, And it is on his lips like a burning fire. A perverse man sows strife, And a whisperer separates the best of friends” (Proverbs 16:27-28 NKJV). “He who covers a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates friends” (Proverbs 17:9 NKJV). Proverbs 29:20, “Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words? There is more hope of a fool than of him.” Some people carry instruments of life and death with them everyday. Policemen carry loaded guns, physicians wield powerful drugs. Surely these people have a keen sense of responsibility. We would not want such powerful tools in the hands of a fool! Yet everyone carries an equally powerful tool and its use is not reserved only for the wise, mature, responsible person. Truly, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21). God's law stated, “Thou shalt not go up and down as a talebearer among thy people” (Leviticus 19:16). Do not allow yourself to be someone’s garbage receptacle. Refuse to listen to gossip! The gossiper is a reputation assassin. The poet Jean Blewett has said:

“The man who with the breath lent him by heaven
Speaks words that soil the whiteness of life.
Is but a murderer, for death is given
as surely by the tongue as by the knife.”

A good friend will avoid senseless arguments. Proverbs 17:14, “The beginning of strife is (as) when one letteth out water: Therefore leave off contention, before there is quarrelling.” Proverbs 15:18, “A wrathful man stirreth up contention; But he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.” Proverbs 18:6, “A fool's lips enter into contention , And his mouth calleth for stripes.” Sometimes if we will stop arguing the argument will stop. (Duh!) Proverbs 26:20, “For lack of wood the fire goeth out; And where there is no whisperer, contention ceaseth.”

A good friend will not meddle in the affairs of others. Proverbs 26:17, “He who passes by and meddles in a quarrel not his own is like one who takes a dog by the ears” (NKJV). This proverb stands true ninety-nine times out of a hundred. Needless and uncalled for meddling with the quarrels of others not only does no good, but brings trouble on the meddler. It is as if one caught a dog by the ears, and so gotten himself bitten for his trouble. This appropriately defines the expression, “Mind your own business.” On the other hand, a wise man works as a mediator, for the sake of peace.

A good friend will not overstay his welcome. Proverbs 25:17, “Let thy foot be seldom in thy neighbor's house, Lest he be weary of thee, and hate thee.” I have heard the saying all my life, “Too much familiarity breeds contempt.” The previous verse says, “Hast thou found honey? eat so much as is sufficient for thee, Lest thou be filled therewith, and vomit it.” My Dad loved honey, (couldn't get enough). One day he bought a whole quart of honey and went out behind the store and ate the whole quart. Of course it made him sick and to the day he died, he despised honey. These verses teach moderation. Though your visits may be considered sweet as honey, one may soon learn to despise them. Do not visit too often. Do not come at an unseasonable time. Do not pry into family business and do not always be asking for help.

A good friend doesn’t engage in feigned flattery. Proverbs 27:14, “He that blesseth his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, It shall be counted a curse to him.” Proverbs 26:28, “A lying tongue hateth those whom it hath wounded; And a flattering mouth worketh ruin.” Proverbs 28:23, “He that rebuketh a man shall afterward find more favor Than he that flattereth with the tongue.” Proverbs 29:5, “A man that flattereth his neighbor spreadeth a net for his steps.” Adam Clarke in his commentary makes the following comment, “He who makes loud and public protestations of acknowledgments to his friend for favors received, subjects his sincerity to suspicion; and remember the Italian proverb elsewhere quoted: ‘He who praises you more than he was wont to do, has either deceived you, or is about to do it.’ Extravagant public professions are little to be regarded.”

Properly applying the wisdom of God found in His Word can assure that we enjoy the blessings of good friends in this life, and hopefully forward to enjoying these dear friends in life eternal!

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