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Can This Marriage Be Saved?

by Micky Galloway

Years ago, I had the experience of studying with a young man and his wife who were in trouble with their marriage. The young man called me from work in shock that he had just been served with papers from his wife and was to appear in court the following day. He did not have a clue that his home was in trouble and now he learns his wife wants a divorce. He did not know what to do. I advised him that he better appear in court. He asked me to go with him. At the appropriate time we appeared at the court house where his wife was already present. The atmosphere was very intense and the sober proceedings began. The judge ordered that he was not to go home, but find another place to live immediately. We were finally able to secure permission that with supervision he could go home briefly to get his clothes, but there was to be no communication between him and his wife. This young man and his wife had three small children; two daughters and a little boy.

Get the picture clear in your minds. Two people who formerly looked into each other’s eyes with the most intense emotion and love. Two who formerly hoped and planned their lives together. Two who formerly ate together, worked together, played together, slept together, and went to worship God together … now they sat at separate tables in a courtroom, with lawyers between them and a judge deciding their futures and the futures of their children. COULD ANYTHING BE MORE WRONG THAN THAT? Malachi 2:14-16 says, “… Jehovah hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously, though she is thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant … Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For I hate putting away, saith Jehovah, the God of Israel, and him that covereth his garment with violence, saith Jehovah of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.” God calls divorce “treacherous” (verse 14, 16). He uses the word “violence” (verse 16) with regard to doing that. Why? Because it breaks hearts and destroys families and lives forever. Yes, there is a grief worse than death!

One does not have to read every book published on marriage or spend time and money with counselors and numerous books on psychology, sexual intimacy, and the many other facets of a happy marriage. The answer to many ills that plague our homes is found in I Corinthians 13. The inspired apostle Paul tells us what real agape love is. Recent articles in I PRESS,” have discussed this passage in detail. Please read the articles online at www.fifthstreeteast.com (February 15 - May 31, 2015).

Chris Simmons in the first article in that series said, “That word is agape and it is a love that seeks the welfare or best interest of the one we choose to direct our love towards. It’s expressed when we do what is needed by the one whom we love. It’s a love that must be taught and learned and isn’t something that we simply fall into or out of. It’s a love of the will and not the heart that is to be extended, not only to those who we have an affinity for, but even for our enemies (Luke 6:27-32). It’s a love that is more important than any other human quality towards God and our neighbor (Matthew 22:37-39; I Corinthians 13:1-3) and will determine our eternal destiny (I John 4:7-21).” Beloved friend, we MUST learn these attributes and learn how to apply them or we will be lost in eternity and miserable here.

In studying these attributes further, let us consider this brief summary of agape love in I Corinthians 13. Love …

Suffers long. This is slowness to anger or exasperation; patient (Hebrews 10:36; James 5:11), forbearance, and endurance of wrong. Here we see a state of mind which can endure trials when oppression comes.

Is kind. Kindness denotes good-nature, gentleness, and tender affection. Love is not harsh, sour, or ill-natured. Politeness and courtesy are results of love (Ephesians 4:31-32).

Envies not. Envy and jealousy are related. To envy is to feel uneasiness, or discontent at the sight of another’s accomplishments; whether it be learning, wealth, beauty, reputation, or success. This was especially true among these Corinthians because they were contending over the respective gifts of each other.

Vaunteth not itself. It does not parade itself forward, nor take the higher seats in the synagogue (cf. Luke 14:7-11). Here the thought is expressed of boasting of one’s own excellencies or endowments. No one who loves another is disposed to boast of his own qualities over them. In the context of I Corinthians 13, boasting is of no account in feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, or comforting the sick and afflicted or in saving the world.

Is not puffed up. This is an inflated opinion of one’s self. Paul wrote, “For I say, through the grace that was given me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think” (Romans 12:3). This differs only slightly from vaunting one’s self in that it deals with the very feeling itself of pride and self-esteem. Proverbs 8:13 says, “Pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way, And the perverse mouth, do I hate.”

Does not behave itself unseemly, i.e. love is not rude (NKJV). I truly care what my mate thinks of me and my behavior. Love would cause one to conduct himself properly and honorably, above reproach. How great it would be if all Christians would manifest this one characteristic of love in language, morals, dress, improper allusions, and implications.

Seeketh not her own. One who has the proper love for God and for others IS NOT SELFISH. No man is behaving as a Christian who lives for himself alone. We should not seek our own selfish desires and ends, but look to the good and happiness of all. “Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others” (Philippians 2:2-4).

Is not easily provoked. It will not be irritated, or live in self-defense. I must remember Proverbs 15:1, “A soft answer turneth away wrath; But a grievous word stirreth up anger.” It is not easily excited to anger (cf. James 1:19). A consciousness of the presence of God will do much to produce this characteristic.

Thinketh no evil, i.e. love does not take account of evil. I will deliberately be a bad accountant, losing the ledger book of my mate’s faults and unkind deeds. Love does not surmise evil and put the worst construction on the acts of others. Love does not attribute evil motives to others. One who loves as he should will not be malicious or disposed to fault finding.

Rejoiceth not in iniquity. We ought not to rejoice over the faults of others. The Lord said, “I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked; but that the wicked turn from his way and live: turn ye, turn ye from your evil ways; for why will ye die, O house of Israel?” (Ezekiel 33:11). Wicked men often find pleasure in finding the faults of others and rejoice when others have fallen into sin and have disgraced and ruined themselves.

Rejoiceth in the truth. Here truth stands opposed to iniquity. Do not rejoice in the error of a brother, but rejoice in his virtues. How much better it would be if Christians would restrain themselves from finding faults of others and circulating reports that are malicious.

Beareth all things. I will do everything humanly possible to protect my mate from hurt, hoping to save his / her soul.

Believeth all things. I will put the best possible motive on the actions of another.

Hopeth all things. I will never accept failure as final from my mate. I will always believe that God will use him / her for good.

Endureth all things. Against all odds, no matter how dark the cloud may overshadow us, I will never stop loving him / her.

Love never fails!

In case you are wondering about the couple mentioned above; they had lived for years with the quotation of 1 Corinthians beautifully framed outside their bedroom door. They had just not obeyed it. Eventually, the divorce proceedings were dropped. They reconciled and things went forward to please the Lord. A long time after they left the area, I received a phone call from them, informing me that they were living in Hawaii and were happier than they had ever been. What changed, you ask? They learned how to love each other. Hang this article on your mirror, memorize it, and commit it to heart. It just might save your marriage! It just might save your soul!

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