Being A Good Parent

by Micky Galloway

The book of Proverbs is designed to help us in all the decisions of life. In the first few verses of Proverbs, we find the purpose of the book. “To know wisdom and instruction; To discern the words of understanding; To receive instruction in wise dealing, In righteousness and justice and equity; To give prudence to the simple, To the young man knowledge and discretion: That the wise man may hear, and increase in learning; And that the man of understanding may attain unto sound counsels” (Proverbs 1:1-5). Parents, we must remember that life is too short for us to waste our time through foolish and hurtful decisions. Children grow up too fast for us to use the “trial and error” method which often offers a lifetime of miserable consequences. Proverbs 17:21, 25 speaks of the pain of one whose child has gone away from the Lord. “He that begetteth a fool (doeth it) to his sorrow; And the father of a fool hath no joy … A foolish son is a grief to his father, And bitterness to her that bare him.” Some of the greatest pain must be that of having a child who is away from the Lord.

There is no more graphic expression of such pain as that found in II Samuel 18. David’s son Absalom had begun to compete with his father for the throne. He had gathered a following and pronounced himself king in Hebron and marched on Jerusalem. Not willing to have Jerusalem destroyed and the people killed, David fled over the mount of Olives with people throwing rocks at him, spiting at him and cursing him. With his friends he crossed the river Jordan over to Mahanaim. When the battle ensued, David said to his captains, “Deal gently for my sake with the young man, even with Absalom” (II Samuel 18:5). David knew he needed a victory, some had to die, but his heart went out to his son Absalom who was leading the rebellion against him. When the battle was over, word came that the battle had been won by David’s forces, yet David was not really concerned about the nature of the battle or even the success that had been had in the field. His question was, “What about my son?” (cf. II Samuel 18:31ff). David grieved over the death of his son. “And the king was much moved, and went up to the chamber over the gate, and wept: and as he went, thus he said, O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! would I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son!”

What was responsible for the suffering of David over his son? Partially David had failed as a responsible parent. David’s sin with Bathsheba had made him weak and had destroyed the respect not only of the heathen, but most certainly of his children. This hindered him from exercising the kind of discipline and control over his family that he should have. Indeed, “He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind; And the foolish shall be servant to the wise of heart” (Proverbs 11:29).

As parents, let us instill a fear of the Lord. Proverbs 15:16 teaches, “Better is little, with the fear of Jehovah, Than great treasure and trouble therewith.” We can get by on a lot less if we develop a deep abiding respect for the Lord. As we have discussed before, “The fear of Jehovah is the beginning of knowledge; (But) the foolish despise wisdom and instruction” (Proverbs 1:7).

As parents let us give them love. Proverbs 15:17 says, “Better is a dinner of herbs, where love is, Than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.” Providing an environment where love reigns is more important than providing material abundance. If we only knew the troubled children that come from homes where love is lacking, we would wonder how they have made it this far. In doing this let us provide a home where there is peace and tranquility. “Better is a dry morsel, and quietness therewith, Than a house full of feasting with strife” (Proverbs 17:1). What value is there in material provisions, where there is no love?

As parents let us be righteous. What can we do more than to live a life consistent with our teaching? Proverbs 20:7 says, “A righteous man that walketh in his integrity, Blessed are his children after him.” Children of righteous parents are truly blessed! But parents who fail to put God first (cf. Matthew 6:33) go through life without God’s providential help, and their children will suffer as a result!

As parents let our children see us study God’s word (II Timothy 2:15). Concentrate on acquiring wisdom and knowledge. “Through wisdom is a house builded; And by understanding it is established” (Proverbs 24:3). The best parents study carefully to find God’s answers to the perplexing questions of life and are willing to apply God’s truths, especially a book like Proverbs. The best parents show their children a dedicated life as a disciple (pupil, student, learner) of Jesus Christ, in whom are hidden the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. “That their hearts may be comforted, they being knit together in love, and unto all riches of the full assurance of understanding, that they may know the mystery of God, (even) Christ, in whom are all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge hidden” (Colossians 2:2-3).

As parents, let us learn the difference between abuse and the rod of correction. “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; (But) the rod of correction shall drive it far from him,” “The rod and reproof give wisdom; But a child left to himself causeth shame to his mother,” “Correct thy son, and he will give thee rest; Yea, he will give delight unto thy soul” (Proverbs 22:15; Proverbs 29:15, 17). The rod of correction used properly is a demonstration of true love. “He that spareth his rod hateth his son; But he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes” (Proverbs 13:24). Let us never forget that our goal is to save the soul of the child. “Withhold not correction from the child; (For) if thou beat him with the rod, he will not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, And shalt deliver his soul from Sheol” (Proverbs 23:13-14). This is to be applied before the situation gets of out hand. “Chasten thy son, seeing there is hope” (Proverbs 19:18).

From the Proverbs, we learn that the best and wisest thing parents can do for their families is to instill faith in their children that is taught and followed by their humble examples as obedient servants of God.