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Is It Well With The Young Man Absalom?

by Micky Galloway

Absalom, who desired to be king, attempted to steal away the kingdom and the hearts of the people from his father David (II Samuel 15:6). He was rebellious against God and eventually waged war against his father (II Samuel 17-18). He declared himself to be king in Hebron and marched on Jerusalem. Not willing to have Jerusalem destroyed and the people killed, David fled over the mount of Olives with people throwing rocks at him, spitting at him and cursing him (cf. II Samuel 16:6, 13). With his friends he crossed the river Jordan over to Mahanaim. When the battle ensued, David said to his captains, “Deal gently for my sake with the young man, even with Absalom” (II Samuel 18:5). David knew he needed a victory, but his heart went out to his son Absalom who was leading the rebellion against him. When the battle was over, word came that the battle had been won by David’s forces. David was not really concerned about he nature of the battle or even the success that had been had in the field. His burning question was, “What about my son?” “Is it well with the young man Absalom?” Upon learning of the death of his son, “the king was much moved, and went up to the chamber over the gate, and wept: and as he went, thus he said, O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! would I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son” (II Samuel 18:33).

The wisdom writer speaks of the pain of one whose child has gone away from the Lord. “He that begetteth a fool (doeth it) to his sorrow; And the father of a fool hath no joy,” “A foolish son is a grief to his father, And bitterness to her that bare him” (Proverbs 17:21, 25). David’s experience with his son Absalom, reveals a graphic picture of the grief of a father whose son will not come home.

When a child goes astray, sometimes it is the fault of the parents, sometimes it is not. With David, the fault was partially his. The grief of David was especially sharp. David’s sin with Bathsheba had made him weak and had destroyed the respect not only of the heathen, but most certainly of his family (II Samuel 11:1ff; 12:10ff). This hindered him from exercising the kind of discipline over his family that he should have exercised. He had failed to deal with his son Amnon when Amnon raped his half sister. Then when Absalom killed Amnon, David failed to deal appropriately with Absalom. Numerous sins that David committed early in life contributed to the disastrous end with Absalom. In his despair he cried, “O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! would I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son.” Though now in his old age, he is willing to die for Absalom, in his youth he had not prepared to be the proper father.

“Is it well with the young man…?” To properly answer this question one must learn how to be a proper parent. Much of this begins with preparation. Though Zacharias and Elizabeth were both well stricken in years and had no child, they had made preparations to teach potential children. “There was in the days of Herod, king of Judaea, a certain priest named Zacharias, of the course of Abijah: and he had a wife of the daughters of Aaron, and her name was Elisabeth. And they were both righteous before God, walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless” (Luke 1:5-6). “Know how” is a necessity for success (cf. I Timothy 3:5). Regarding the qualifications of elders, Paul said, “one that ruleth well his own house, having (his) children in subjection with all gravity; (but if a man knoweth not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)”. How many in their youth plan to become good parents by properly preparing themselves for the tremendous task? The Bible is the best textbook that one can ever find. A knowledge of the word of God and a respect for His law will guide us in this commitment, just as in every other walk of life.

“Is it well with the young man…?” One’s commitment to marriage and to God as the founder of the family helps to answer this question. In His infinite wisdom God saw that it was not good for the man to be alone and He made for him a suitable companion. Man and woman ideally meet the needs of each other. God instructed them to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28). It was then in the divine plan for all time that a man should, “leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). This union was ordained of God, and man was not to "put asunder what God hath joined together” (Matthew 19:6). Each mate is alert to say and do those things which, when present, will afford his marriage partner the mature company and conversation to which that companion is entitled (Proverbs 31:10-12, 27; Colossians 3:18, 19; Ephesians 5:21-33; I Corinthians 7:3-5). Each partner finds emotional security in love and attention of the other. Neither provokes the other to jealousy or constantly threatens to end the marriage (Colossians 3:19). When our hearts are filled with a respect for the authority of Christ, then that is the surest guarantee I know for the physical, emotional and spiritual safety of our children.

“Is it well with the young man…?” A man who is concerned about his children will understand early that self must be crucified. “I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I that live, but Christ living in me: and that (life) which I now live in the flesh I live in faith, (the faith) which is in the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself up for me” (Galatians 2:20). David had demonstrated times of selfishness and hypocrisy which were detrimental to the character of Absalom.

“Is it well with the young man…?” It is no mystery that crime is at an all time high and schools have difficulty with rebellious students and yes, even churches are plagued with unauthorized practices when children are not taught respect for God's authority. Respect for authority begins in the home. Children must be taught to obey (Ephesians 6:1,4). Sometimes that involves the rod of correction (Proverbs 13:24; 19:18; 22:15; 23:13; 29:15). Please note what was to be done with a rebellious son under the law of Moses (Deuteronomy 21:18ff). Unfortunately, many are not consistent in their teaching, but operate on the principle, “Do as I say, not as I do.” Our children are more perceptive than we think. They see our inconsistency and they are learning from our example.

Yes, David was partially to blame for the tragedy of Absalom’s life and death. David said unto God, “Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions; and my sin is ever before me” (Psalms 51:2-3). Indeed, the consequences of David’s sins were many and lingered during the lifetime of his children (II Samuel 12:10-12).

We too are responsible to teach our children both verbally and by our example, but WHAT are we teaching our children? “Is it well with the young man…?” Certainly, the next generation will tell.

In the words of Helen M. Young from the poem "Children Won't Wait"… “…I will not exchange this birthright for a mess of pottage called social position, or business or professional reputation, or a pay check. An hour of concern today may save years of heartache tomorrow. The house will wait, the dishes will wait, the new room can wait, but children won't wait … May I know that no other career is so precious, no other work so rewarding, no other task too urgent. May I not defer it nor neglect it, but by thy Spirit accept it gladly, joyously, and by Thy grace realize that the time is short and my time is now. For children WON'T wait.”

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