Selecting A Husband
by Micky Galloway
A sequel to last week’s article, “Selecting A Wife” is certainly in order. Christian ladies must also be concerned with the question, “Who should I marry?” Again, let us ask God what qualities we should seek in a husband. The book of Proverbs is designed to help us in all the decisions of life. In the first few verses of Proverbs, we find the purpose of the book, “To know wisdom and instruction; To discern the words of understanding; To receive instruction in wise dealing, In righteousness and justice and equity; To give prudence to the simple, To the young man knowledge and discretion: That the wise man may hear, and increase in learning; And that the man of understanding may attain unto sound counsels” (Proverbs 1:1-5). A good choice greatly enhances the life of the wife, but the wrong choice can destroy a woman from the inside out! It can contribute to a subdued life of misery and detriment to her children who are born of this union.
It is foolish to think that a mistake in this area can be easily corrected. Divorce is not an easy solution. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), and remarriage may not be a viable option. Paul wrote in I Corinthians 7:10-11, “But unto the married I give charge, (yea) not I, but the Lord, That the wife depart not from her husband (but should she depart, let her remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband); and that the husband leave not his wife.” Matthew 19:8-9 says there is only one exception, “And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and he that marrieth her when she is put away committeth adultery.” When children come along, the selection you make will ALWAYS be the father of your children, “for better or worse!”
Sometimes we think it is horrible to be single and alone. Indeed, it is a wonderful thing to be married to a godly man, who will lovingly lead, “even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it…”, who will love you as his own body. “He that loveth his own wife loveth himself: for no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as Christ also the church” (Ephesians 5:25-29). Yet, it is better to be single and alone than to be married to the wrong man. With the help God gives us in “The Book of Proverbs,” we can increase the likelihood of finding a good husband. Much of what was said in the previous article, “Selecting A Wife” is applicable, but there is more we can glean from the book of Proverbs.
Does he fear the Lord and put God first in every decision he makes? The man who fears the Lord is well on his way. “The fear of Jehovah is the beginning of knowledge; (But) the foolish despise wisdom and instruction” (Proverbs 1:8). It is so important when looking for a husband, to find a man who wants to go to heaven more than anything else.
How does he treat his parents? This is likely how he will treat you. Hear the Proverbs! Proverbs 6:20, “My son, keep the commandment of thy father, And forsake not the law of thy mother.” Proverbs 15:20, “A wise son maketh a glad father; But a foolish man despiseth his mother.” Proverbs 19:26, “He that doeth violence to his father, and chaseth away his mother, Is a son that causeth shame and bringeth reproach.” Proverbs 23:22, “Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, And despise not thy mother when she is old.” Proverbs 30:11, “There is a generation that curse their father, And bless not their mother.”
Will he listen to others or is he a “know it all?” Proverbs 12:15 says, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes; But he that is wise hearkeneth unto counsel.” Proverbs 23:9, “Speak not in the hearing of a fool; For he will despise the wisdom of thy words.” Proverbs 28:26, “He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool; But whoso walketh wisely, he shall be delivered.” One must be willing to listen to the advice of wise men.
Is he selfish? Proverbs 11:25-26, “The liberal soul shall be made fat; And he that watereth shall be watered also himself. He that withholdeth grain, the people shall curse him.” Proverbs 18:17, “He that pleadeth his cause first (seemeth) just; But his neighbor cometh and searcheth him out.” Proverbs 28:27, “He that giveth unto the poor shall not lack; But he that hideth his eyes shall have many a curse.” It would be unbearable to be married to a man who would subdue his wife by always putting himself first.
What type of company does he keep? You might be destroyed right along with him. Proverbs 13:20 teaches, “Walk with wise men, and thou shalt be wise; But the companion of fools shall smart for it.”
Is he quick-tempered and contentious? This determines whether he is a person of understanding. Proverbs 14:29, “He that is slow to anger is of great understanding; But he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly.” Proverbs 14:7, “Go into the presence of a foolish man, And thou shalt not perceive (in him) the lips of knowledge.” Proverbs 27:3, “A stone is heavy, and the sand weighty; But a fool’s vexation is heavier than they both.” The wisdom writer also says in Ecclesiastes 7:9, “Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry; for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.”
Will he work? How does he make money? You will suffer the consequences of his business decisions. Proverbs 15:27, “He that is greedy of gain troubleth his own house; But he that hateth bribes shall live.” Proverbs 28:19, “He that tilleth his land shall have plenty of bread; But he that followeth after vain (persons) shall have poverty enough.” Proverbs 6:6, “Go to the ant, thou sluggard; Consider her ways, and be wise.” The New Testament makes it plain, “But if any provideth not for his own, and specially his own household, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever” (I Timothy 5:8). “Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labor, working with his hands the thing that is good, that he may have whereof to give to him that hath need” (Ephesians 4:28).
Does he talk too much? Does he feel like he always has to put in his “two-cents”? If so, he lacks knowledge and a calm spirit. “He that spareth his words hath knowledge; And he that is of a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise; When he shutteth his lips, he is (esteemed as) prudent” (Proverbs 17:27-28). Proverbs 10:19 says, “In the multitude of words there wanteth not transgression; But he that refraineth his lips doeth wisely.” My Mother used to say, “It is better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you are a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”
Is he a “womanizer,” one who flirts with every woman he sees? Proverbs 6:27-29 warns, “Can a man take fire in his bosom, And his clothes not be burned? Or can one walk upon hot coals, And his feet not be scorched? So he that goeth in to his neighbor's wife; Whosoever toucheth her shall not be unpunished.” This kind of man must be avoided. He will destroy himself and hurt all those involved.
Selecting a companion is one of the most important decisions we make in this life. With whom shall I spend my life? Who shall be the father or mother of my children? What foolishness it is to make such decisions without consulting the wisdom found in the Word of God! The Proverbs are extremely practical, worthy of our careful study and application to these important decisions.
