(There are two articles on this page)
Family Love (Part 1)
by Micky Galloway
God is the founder of the family. In His infinite wisdom God saw that it was not good for the man to be alone and He made for him a suitable companion. Man and woman ideally meet the needs of each other. God instructed them "be fruitful and multiply" (Genesis 1:28). It was then in the divine plan for all time that a man should "Leave father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). This union was ordained of God, and man was not to "put asunder what God hath joined together" (Matthew 19:6). The failure to create and maintain an atmosphere of love is a primary hindrance to the family.
Love cannot be taken for granted. Love does not just happen, infatuation may. Love grows and demands time, nurturing, and just plain hard work to keep it alive, especially in this modern, chaotic, pressure driven world. The "wear and tear" of the reality of daily living can do much to destroy a loving atmosphere. Immaturity (which often shows itself in an uncontrolled temper), selfishness (which seeks its own happiness at the expense of the happiness of others), and other "childish things" must be put away (I Corintians 13:11).
An atmosphere of love produces a feeling of stability and security that is worth more than all the riches of time. To be loved is to be wanted. Who can measure the happiness of the child, wife, or husband, that is comforted by that secure wanted feeling? This love will preclude violent domestic scenes. No sadder sight can be imagined than the shocked, frightened look in the eyes of a child forced to witness an ugly quarrel between his parents. What a moment of dark despair ... when his whole world rocks about him! Whatever luxury you may have to deprive your child of, he is still one of the more fortunate ones if you have spared him such a terrifying experience. This love will also provide the forbearance needed as a saving quality when disturbances threaten the future security of the home.
Man is to love his wife as Christ also loved the church (Ephesians 5:22-33). The husband, establishing his love for the wife and family, engenders a respect on the part of that family which recognizes his headship. He is to "nourish" and "cherish" her. Colossians 3:19 says, "Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them." In the beginning it was said, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). The idea of "cleave unto" impresses a oneness unlike any other relationship excepting Christ and the church. The love required involves cherishing the wife, promoting her good, happiness, and total welfare. "Be not bitter against her" imposes the same love and care for a wife under the most trying circumstances as it does the pleasant and easy. Patience must prevail and exasperation must never be allowed to reach the point of bitterness.
I Peter 3:7 says, "Ye husbands, in like manner, dwell with (your wives) according to knowledge, giving honor unto the woman, as unto the weaker vessel, as being also joint-heirs of the grace of life; to the end that your prayers be not hindered." Please note that "dwell" is translated from a term which denotes domestic association and sums up the relationships of the marriage state. It means more than sharing the same address, but rather involves being completely at home with. "According to knowledge" means giving proper understanding and regard for the other. "Giving" means to assign; to apportion. "Honor" in this text is from the same word translated "precious" in I Peter 1:19, therefore, husbands are to regard their faithful wives as precious. "That your prayers be not hindered" clearly indicates that if things are not right at home, things are not right between you and God either.
He is to love, train and discipline his children (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21). Consider, "He that spareth the rod hateth his son; but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying" (Proverbs 13:24; Proverbs 19:18). This implies that a child may be brought into proper subjection while he is young, but there may come a time, if correction is withheld, that all hope for his character is gone (Cf. Hebrews 12:5-8,11).
Older women to teach the younger women to "love their husbands and to love their children" (Titus 2:4; Ephesians 5:23). The woman's role is a place of importance. "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord" (Proverbs 18:22). Genesis 2:18-24 indicates that woman was created to be a "help meet" (suitable) to man. In back of the great work that many men do are great loving wives who are quietly aiding and encouraging them. On the other hand ... "It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, Than with a contentious woman in a wide house." (Proverbs 21:9). Nagging will kill a happy home. God’s worthy woman however, "... openeth her mouth with wisdom; And the law of kindness is on her tongue” (Prov. 31:26).
Woman's important role is seen in her relationship to children. Timothy's father was a Greek (Acts 16:1), but Timothy's mother and grandmother had planted their faith in young Timothy (cf. II Timothy 1:5). Indeed, "the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world" and "Not everything wrong with this country is in Washington." To a great degree, both the church and state get just what the home sends them.
The children are to love, honor, and respect their parents (Psalms 127:3-5; Ephesians 6:2-3; Cf. I Timothy 5:4; Matthew 15:4-6). The Lord intended that children be a great blessing. "Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them." Children are described as "arrows in the hands of a mighty man." Arrows must be carefully formed and shaped so that they can be shot straight from the bow. Parents are to nurture and chasten their children and bring them up in the admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4), but "... A child left to himself causeth shame to his mother" (Prov. 29:15).
The child's role in the home is a role of subjection. "Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing unto the Lord" (Colossians 3:20). "My Son, keep thy father's commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother" (Proverbs 6:20). One of the many sins Paul listed here is "disobedience to parents" (Romans 1:30). In Ephesians 6:1 Paul sums up the whole matter ... "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right." A child must learn to obey "BECAUSE I SAID SO!" Proverbs 15:5 says, "A fool despiseth his father's correction; but he that regardeth reproof getteth prudence." And children, do not forget to learn to work. Lamentations 3:27 says, "It is good for a man that he bears the yoke in his youth."
If we love one another in the family as God has instructed there will be no shortage in respecting the various roles ordained by God. This will be evidence of our love for God. Jesus said, "If ye love me, ye will keep my commandments"(John 14:15).
Bring Them Up
by W.R. Jones
Ephesians 6:4 - "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."
It takes time and effort for any father to fulfill this command. It is not something that "just happens." It is something that requires a deliberate exertion on the father's part.
FIRST of all, a father must set a proper example before his children, to demonstrate to them that the way of the Lord is truly worth following. Parents can never afford to say, “do as I say and not as I do”. Our children will be able to easily determine if we, as parents, are not following James 1:22, where we are commanded to “… prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves.” The home is a place where examples are to be set, and just as Peter exhorts Christian wives to be examples to their unbelieving husbands (I Peter 3:1-2), so too should parents offer exemplary Christian behavior in front of their children in our efforts to lead them to Christ. Conduct is so often imitated and we are to continue the pattern set by Jesus and the apostles. Paul wrote in Philippians 3:17, “Brethren, join in following my example, and observe those who walk according to the pattern you have in us.” As parents, we would do well to remember the model of Ezra in our homes, “For Ezra had set his heart to study the law of the LORD, and to practice it, and to teach His statutes and ordinances in Israel” (Ezra 7:10). To attempt to teach our children God’s word, without practicing it, is foolish, sinful, and destined for eternal failure.
SECOND, a father should be sufficiently informed in the Word of God that he can accurately and impressively instruct his children in the right way. I suspect that many fathers make no effort to teach their children because they fear the uncovering of their own ignorance. As mentioned before in Ezra 7:10, Ezra first set his heart to “study the law of the Lord” before he set out to teach it. We simply can not teach what we do not know. It was God’s pattern in the old law as well as the new that parents (not Bible class teachers) be the primary source of education for their children. In Deuteronomy 6:6-8 we read, “And these words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart; and you shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. And you shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead.” In Ephesians 6:4 cited above, fathers are commanded to, “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” David wrote in Psalm 78:4-6, “We will not conceal them from their children, But tell to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, And His strength and His wondrous works that He has done. For He established a testimony in Jacob, And appointed a law in Israel, Which He commanded our fathers, That they should teach them to their children, That the generation to come might know, even the children yet to be born, That they may arise and tell them to their children.” A father must exercise great effort and diligence so that he does not need to be ashamed in trying to teach his children the word of God. (II Timothy 2:15)
THIRD, a father must set aside time to deal with his children. Most fathers have enough time, but the big problem is they won't share it with their children! Father, how is it with you and your children? Do we take advantage of every opportunity to have spiritually related discussions with our children? Is reading and studying God’s word a daily part of our lives at home, and on the road, with our children? Back in Deuteronomy 6:6-8 that was referred to earlier, parents were to teach their children in the morning as they rise and in the evening as they went to bed. They were to teach the word of God while in the confines of their home as well as when they “walk by the way” or travel about. We must make the most of our opportunities. Paul wrote in Ephesians 5:15-16, “Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men, but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil.” Is there any more important application of that passage than to the home? Our time and opportunities with our children will pass quickly and we must seize the day.
FOURTH, a father must learn to be patient in dealing with his child's immaturity. This can really be trying! But, if the father can not control himself, how can he instruct the child on how to control himself? We need to remember what Paul wrote in I Corinthians 13:11, “When I was a child, I used to speak as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.” Our job as parents is to prepare our children for maturity, when as adults they will need to act as adults. Fathers must not compromise truth and right, but they must learn to sometimes bend a little where they can. Above all, father's must make a real effort to keep the line of communication open with their offspring. Once it is completely closed, there is not much he can do to help. Fathers, seek God's wisdom as you attempt to fulfill your responsibilities. Fathers are commanded in Ephesians 6:4 to bring up their children in such a way that we do not “provoke them to anger”. To discipline our children in a way that is either excessive, embarrassing, or inconsistent will undoubtedly provoke our children to anger, damage our lines of communication and severely limit our ability to positively influence our children.
“Behold, children are a gift of the LORD; The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They shall not be ashamed, When they speak with their enemies in the gate.” (Psalms 127:3-5)