Broken Hearted Parents

by Micky Galloway

Unfortunately in the past few weeks I have learned of two parents who are broken hearted over the practices of their children. In both cases local churches marked these children for their unfaithfulness. Proverbs 17:21 & 25, speaks of the pain of one whose child has gone away from the Lord. “He that begetteth a fool (doeth it) to his sorrow; And the father of a fool hath no joy … A foolish son is a grief to his father, And bitterness to her that bare him.”Some of the greatest pain must be that of having a child who is away from the Lord. There is no more graphic expression of the wayward son than Absalom (II Samuel 18). David's son had begun to compete with his father for the throne. He had gathered a following and pronounced himself king in Hebron and marched on Jerusalem. Not willing to have Jerusalem destroyed and the people killed, David fled over the mount of Olives with people throwing rocks at him, spiting at him and cursing him. With his friends he crossed the river Jordan over to Mahanaiam. When the battle ensued, David said to his captains, “Deal gently for my sake with the young man , even with Absalom”(II Samuel 18:5). David knew he needed a victory, some had to die, but his heart went out to his son Absalom who was leading the rebellion against him. When the battle was over, word came that the battle had been won by David's forces, yet David was not really concerned about the nature of the battle or even the success that had been had in the field. His question was, “Is it well with the young man Absalom”(II Samuel 18:29). David grieved over the death of his son, “O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! would I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son”(II Samuel 18:33).

Why do young people go astray, rebel and leave home? There are several reasons: Sometimes their homes are so bad they can’t stay. Inconsistent discipline or unreasonable discipline may cause a child to leave home. Parents must learn the difference between abuse and the rod of correction (Proverbs 22:15; cf Proverbs 29:15, 17). Sometimes children leave because of chaos and confusion, bitterness between husband and wife, between children, between parents and children. Perhaps the home is so good it will not tolerate drugs and alcohol or immorality, homosexuality, pregnancy, or other unacceptable choices of their children. There are many reasons, sometimes it is the fault of parents, sometimes it is not. With David the fault was partially his. David's sin with Bathsheba had made him weak and had destroyed the respect not only of the heathen, but most certainly of his family. This hindered him from exercising the kind of discipline and control over his family that he should have.

What can we do for our young people? The apostle Paul, who considered himself Timothy's spiritual father, gave Timothy specific instructions and warnings to prevent him from casting aside his faith: 1) Be godly (I Timothy 4:7-8), devout and sincere in his faith rather than just going through the motions of Christianity; 2) Trust in God (I Timothy 4:10); 3) Be a faithful example to others in all areas of his life (I Timothy 4:12); 4) Be completely dedicated in his faith, as opposed to half-hearted service (I Timothy 4:13-15); 5) Take heed to himself and his doctrine, i.e., practice what you preach (I Timothy 4:16); 6) Flee sin and follow after righteousness (I Timothy 6:11); 7) Keep the commandments until the day of the Lord (I Timothy 6:14); 8) Not to be ashamed of his faith, nor the gospel; to be bold (II Timothy 1:8,11-14); 9) Be diligent (II Timothy 2:15).

Our children today need to hear and give heed to these things for indeed dangers are ever present. There is the danger of one's faith not being genuinely theirs. It is possible our children believe certain things just because Mom and Dad believe them, instead of having individual conviction that must be “learned”of God (John 6:44-45). True faith comes by the individual hearing and believing (Romans 10:17). There are too many who are not converted to Christ or else are in error simply because they choose to carry on the “family religion.” Second, it’s easy to take faithfulness for granted. Assuming that just because grandparents and parents were faithful, then children will be faithful too is a fallacy. “The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon him, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon him”(Ezekiel 18:20). The Bible clearly teaches that one can fall from grace, no matter how good an environment he was reared in (cf Galatians 5:4; I Corinthians10:12). Third, some never learn true commitment to Christ. They view being a Christian on the basis of having been baptized and attending worship services. However, for the church to be “subject to Christ”(Ephesians 5:24), means “to line-up under” and denotes complete submission and obedience to authority. Fourth, some fail to personally study God's Word for themselves. Christians, from the beginning, must “long for the spiritual milk…” (I Peter 2:2), so they may grow in faith. Fifth, parents can become lax and will not be diligent in providing the proper spiritual training (Ephesians 6:1-4). Taking my children to worship, as important as that is, is no substitute for providing a godly atmosphere in the home with regular Bible study coupled with a good example. The “do as I say, not as I do” approach doesn't work in influencing our children to serve God.

We need to examine ourselves by the standard of God's word, both parents and children (II Corinthians 13:5), and serve God out of personal conviction, continuing in spiritual growth (II Peter 1:5-10).