Selecting A Wife

by Micky Galloway

When we are considering who we should marry, we often like to ask others, “What do you think?” Wouldn’t it be a wonderful thing if we could ask God what HE thinks? The book of Proverbs is designed to help us in all the decisions of life. In the first few verses of Proverbs, we find the purpose of the book. “To know wisdom and instruction; To discern the words of understanding; To receive instruction in wise dealing, In righteousness and justice and equity; To give prudence to the simple, To the young man knowledge and discretion: That the wise man may hear, and increase in learning; And that the man of understanding may attain unto sound counsels” (Proverbs 1:1-5). Can you think of a more practical decision (other than becoming a Christian) than selecting a wife? Proverbs 12:4 says, “A worthy woman is the crown of her husband; But she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.” A wife can help you be all that you can be in your service to God, or she can become a “ball and chain” to prevent you from your service to God. What are some things to consider as we think of finding a good wife to travel along the uneven paths of life together?

Seek help from God. “House and riches are an inheritance from fathers; But a prudent wife is from Jehovah” (Proverbs 19:14). With such an important decision, why would you want to go about this without prayerful consideration? The Scriptures will offer tremendous help to know the kind of woman who would make a good wife. In addition to this we have the promise of the providence of God.

Do not place priority on “good looks” alone. “Grace is deceitful, and beauty is vain; (But) a woman that feareth Jehovah, she shall be praised” (Proverbs 31:30). None would be so foolish to say that he had married an ugly woman. However, there must be more substance to a marriage than good looks. Though beauty is only “skin deep,” we must acknowledge that youth and physical beauty will one day pass. I Peter 3:3-4 speaks of the inward beauty of a godly woman, “Whose (adorning) let it not be the outward adorning of braiding the hair, and of wearing jewels of gold, or of putting on apparel; but (let it be) the hidden man of the heart, in the incorruptible (apparel) of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.”

Learn the character of a godly woman and look for these characteristics. Learn these at an early age, even before you begin to date. Know the standards that you are looking for. Sadly, most marriages are built on little more than physical attraction. If one waits until after he has started dating, it is often too late. Look for these characteristics. Does she fear the Lord? Again, Proverbs 31:30 reminds us, “Grace is deceitful, and beauty is vain; (But) a woman that feareth Jehovah, she shall be praised.” The woman who fears the Lord is well on her way, she has a good beginning, “The fear of Jehovah is the beginning of knowledge; (But) the foolish despise wisdom and instruction” (Proverbs 1:8). It is so important when looking for a wife, to find a woman who wants to go to heaven more than anything else. Does she exercise discretion? Proverbs 11:22 says, “(As) a ring of gold in a swine's snout, (So is) a fair woman that is without discretion.” Now that paints a picture, doesn’t it? Look for a woman who knows when to speak (and act) and when it is time to keep silent (cf. Ecclesiastes 3:7). Does she exercise wisdom? Proverbs 14:1 declares, “Every wise woman buildeth her house; But the foolish plucketh it down with her own hands.” What a foolish thing to undermine the sanctity of the home and violate the order of God (Ephesians 5:23ff) by tearing down the very thing she should be seeking. Sometimes we don’t know how good we have it.

There are some things to be avoided in seeking a wife. Avoid the woman who is contentious (one who argues about everything). A vivid picture is drawn in this book of wisdom. Proverbs 19:13, “the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.” Proverbs 27:15, “A continual dropping in a very rainy day And a contentious woman are alike.” (Ever heard of the Chinese torture test?) Proverbs 21:9, “It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, Than with a contentious woman in a wide house.” Proverbs 21:19, “It is better to dwell in a desert land, Than with a contentious and fretful woman.”

Sometimes we think it is horrible to be single and alone. Indeed, it is a wonderful thing to be married to a godly woman, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, And obtaineth favor of Jehovah” (Proverbs 18:22). However, it is better to be single and alone than to be married to the wrong woman. Let us learn from this book of wisdom.