Companions And Friends

by Chris Simmons

Who we choose to associate with and who we decide to call our companions and friends will certainly have a most profound influence upon our life. Both Jesus and the apostle Paul compared the influence of those whom we associate with to that of leaven and its ability to impact change. We are to “beware of the leaven” of those who have our ear (Matthew 16:6-12) and must recognize the power of persuasion of those who we are close to (Galatians 5:8-9; cf. I Corinthians 5:6). Everyone has some important choices to make when it comes to who our friends are and there are varied consequences associated with each decision. Some of those consequences are temporal in nature, but we must focus on the fact that there are eternal repercussions to the companions and friends we choose. The book of Proverbs has much to say about friends and companions and we would be wise to consider this subject from an eternal perspective first and then a temporal one.

The Hebrew word for “friend” is “rea” which W. E. Vine defines as “friend; companion … a rea is a ‘personal friend’ with whom one shares confidences and to whom one feels very close.” Often times, the same word is used in a wider sense and is translated “neighbor.” An example of this is found in Proverbs 27:9-10 where we learn that a true friend is someone that can actually be closer than family, “Oil and perfume make the heart glad, so a man’s counsel is sweet to his friend. Do not forsake your own friend or your father’s friend, and do not go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity; better is a neighbor who is near than a brother far away.” For example, Joseph found those who afforded him more kindness and respect while in Egypt than he did from his own brothers. David found more care and concern from his friend Jonathan than he did from his own brethren. Solomon also wrote in Proverbs 18:24, “a man of many friends comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Will we attain to such a relationship with our brethren in Christ? This is what Paul had in mind when he wrote in Romans 12:10, “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor.”

We need the ability to say “No” to some who desire our friendship. Solomon teaches that we need the courage and conviction to simply say “No” sometimes. We read in Proverbs 1:10, “My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent.” It’s important that we exercise great care regarding who we “throw our lot in with,” and we must “keep our feet from (the) path” of those companions who would lead us away from God (Proverbs 1:14-15). We have a choice to “walk in the way of good men” or to associate with those who “leave the paths of uprightness” (Proverbs 2:12-20). The point is, that choice brings consequences which will affect the course of our life – both physically and spiritually. Solomon wrote in Proverbs 13:20, “He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” The Hebrew word for “harm” carries the meaning of “to cry out in distress” (Brown Driver & Briggs Hebrew Lexicon) and reflects the agony we will face when we make poor choices for our companions.

Solomon speaks plainly of the danger that we will be influenced by those whom we allow in our inner circle of companions. Proverbs 22:24-25, “Do not associate with a man given to anger; or go with a hot-tempered man, lest you learn his ways, and find a snare for yourself.” The word translated “associate” is a very interesting word. It’s the Hebrew word “ra’ah” and in the most fundamental sense refers to animals who graze together; but came to mean someone who you closely associate with and are friends with (Brown Driver & Briggs Hebrew Lexicon). “His ways” refer to our close companions’ ways of living which, if we adopt, will result in a “snare” for our very “soul” (ASV, KJV). “Soul” in the Hebrew language is from the word “nephesh” which simply refers to the inner man in contrast to our outer appearance (Vine’s Expository Dictionary of Biblical Words) and conveys the point that the consequences to a poor choice of friends are far more than temporal in nature.

God never intended for our friends and companions to be “snares to our souls” but rather that they provide a blessing to us in our lives. Friends are supposed to help us become stronger, wiser and more mature. Solomon wrote in Proverbs 27:17 how we ought to seek the friendship of those who truly seek to make us better, “Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” We ought to seek companions who have the wisdom and courage to offer encouragement as well as criticism with our best interest and growth in mind. When duty and faithfulness is challenging, wearying and imposing, we need the godly counsel, or the “word fitly spoken” (Proverbs 25:11 ASV), of a friend who can offer the comfort, encouragement or even chastisement that will help us draw closer to God. We all need advice at times in our life and it’s critical that we choose wisely who we turn to for it (cf. King Rehoboam in I Kings 12:1-20). Will we seek advice at the critical junctures of life from someone whose mind set is a fleshly one and whose source of wisdom is of the world (I Corinthians 1:20ff; Romans 8:6-8; Colossians 3:1-2; James 3:15-18)? “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel” (Proverbs 12:15).

We need those companions who will be honest with us and tell us the truth. We must love the truth (II Thessalonians 2:10) because sometimes the truth hurts and we need the maturity and courage to accept it and grow from it. Solomon wrote in Proverbs 27:6, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.” Paul is an example for us in his work with the churches of Galatia, as his sole concern was that the “truth of the gospel might remain” with them (Galatians 2:5). Paul believed in being “straightforward about the truth of the gospel” (Galatians 2:14) and sometimes some of his brethren didn’t appreciate “the wounds of a friend” which prompted Paul to ask, “Have I therefore become your enemy by telling you the truth?” (Galatians 4:16). We can’t afford to consider those who speak to us “the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15) to be our enemies!

Ultimately, it’s about seeking companionship with those who reverence God and His word and the association of those who help us draw closer to God. David said in Psalms 119:63, “I am a companion of all those who fear Thee, and of those who keep Thy precepts.” We need to “surround” ourselves with “the righteous” (Psalms 142:7) so that we might have the strength and support we need. We need a friend who’ll be there to lift us up and help us resist the temptations we all face (cf. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).

For the child of God, who our friends and companions are is so much more than having a good time and enjoying who we’re with, it’s about seeking the associations with others that will have a positive impact on our eternal destiny and seeking to be such a friend and companion to others.