Destroying Ourselves

by Micky Galloway

I receive calls from brethren about problems in the church and problems in the home. Do we not see that these two are often related? The strength of the church is many times dependant upon the strength of the home. It seems no matter how much we preach on these things, some just do not get it! Sometimes we are critical of the church because it does not have the social programs we think it ought to have for our young people. Perhaps we criticize that there are not enough activities for the women folks, etc. Have we become so focused on organizations (Churches, Schools, Social and Civic societies) to teach us how to live and to provide activities, that we have forgotten individual involvement and personal initiative. In other words, is it somebody else’s responsibility when our marriage fails? Is it somebody else’s responsibility when I fail to grow spiritually? Certainly we can always blame somebody else for our own failures, but the wise man acknowledges his own responsibility and takes the initiative to correct his life. Perhaps it is necessary for someone to declare to us, “Thou art the man” (II Samuel 12:7). David said, “I have sinned against Jehovah.” “For I know my transgressions; and my sin is ever before me” (II Samuel 12:13; Psalms 51:3). Acknowledging personal responsibility sooner rather than later will avoid many of the severe consequences sure to come to the foolish man.

The death of a local church does not come suddenly. Neither is the home destroyed “overnight.” With the home it is usually the result of certain fatal steps taken over a lengthy period of time. As we travel the road toward the break up of our homes, let us examine how our careless conduct will ultimately destroy the strength of the local church. Many of the problems affecting the church begin in our homes!

Selfishness. This is the number one enemy of a happy home life and is a killer to the local church. No one is willing to give up what he wants to do to submit to the will of another. The apostle Paul prefaced his statements regarding the husband/wife relationship with these words, “Giving thanks always for all things in the name of our lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father; subjecting yourselves one to another in the fear of Christ” (Ephesians 5:20-21). Consider also these words, “Doing nothing through faction or through vainglory, but in lowliness of mind each counting other better than himself; not looking each of you to his own things, but each of you also to the things of others” (Philippians 2:3-4). Wouldn’t that solve a lot of ills in the family and in the church? Paul described Timothy, “For I have no man likeminded, who will care truly for your state.” Notice the contrast in the next verse, “For they all seek their own, not the things of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 2:20-21). This is the opposite of the teaching of God. “Let no man seek his own, but (each) his neighbor's (good)” (I Corinthians 10:24). Often, what causes problems in our marriage, is the same thing that causes problems in the church. Jesus said, “If any man would come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me” (Matthew 16:24). Maybe if both marriage partners denied self and learned to submit to the Lord, it would go a long way toward submitting to each other!

Disillusionment. Often before marriage, expectations are just not realistic. After we have been married for a while faults begin to show up in our companion that we did not notice in the courtship period. These faults grow into nagging sources of irritation. When it reaches the point of intolerance, each decides that he has made a terrible mistake in his marriage. Sometimes, we are disillusioned about what a Christian is. Jesus spoke of “counting the cost” of discipleship, “If any man cometh unto me, and hateth not his own father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple … whosoever he be of you that renounceth not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:25-35). Many are glad to become Christians if it means “social activities” or club-like membership, but when we learn there is personal work and personal involvement then we look for faults with the church. Indeed, I have made a commitment that requires that I first give myself unto the Lord before all others. “But seek ye first his kingdom, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you” (Matthew 6:33). Paul said, “and he died for all, that they that live should no longer live unto themselves, but unto him who for their sakes died and rose again” (II Corinthians 5:15). Further Paul declared, “I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I that live, but Christ living in me: and that (life) which I now live in the flesh I live in faith, (the faith) which is in the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself up for me” (Galatians 2:20). Perhaps it is the realization that faithfulness to the Lord demands time from me that I am not willing to give. Like marriage, we become intolerant of the responsibilities, so we just quit trying. Then “faults” with the church like faults with our companion become magnified to the point that we decide we have made a terrible mistake.

End of faithfulness. This is certainly the next logical step. We give up any hope. In marriage, no further efforts are made to build a happy home. Communication ceases, love fades and gives way to bitterness. We find ourselves merely housekeeping and no longer enjoying and fulfilling the God-given purpose in marriage. This too, extends into our feelings toward the church. Having developed a selfish attitude, we explain, “I just don’t get anything out of it anymore.” The faults I find have now become so unacceptable that no efforts are made to build the church by my own personal faithfulness. I no longer support the Bible classes. I no longer attend gospel meetings or other special functions designed toward edification. My love for brethren and the Lord gives way to bitterness. I find myself merely housekeeping for the Lord and no longer experience the joy of being a Christian. As adultery invades the home destroying our relationship with our spouse, spiritual adultery has already destroyed our relationship with the Lord and robbed the church of its most valuable assets - its members.

Sin destroys from the inside out. This pattern is so predictable and so fatal. It is also most avoidable. If we would preserve the happiness of our homes and secure the success of the church, we must strive to exclude sin from our lives. If you want to help strengthen the church for the future (including our children), let us begin in our homes! Let us, “Give diligence to present thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, handling aright the word of truth” (II Timothy 2:15).