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Let Marriage Be Held In Honor

by Chris Simmons

Hebrews 13:4 contains this command that “marriage be held in honor among all.” The Greek word for “honor” is timios which is defined as “valuable, i.e. costly, or honored, esteemed or beloved” (Strong’s Greek-Hebrew Dictionary). The divinely created institution of marriage, as well as each individual marriage among men, is to be valued and treasured as something very valuable and honorable.

Marriage is dishonored whenever a husband or a wife fails to respect the permanency, chastity and sacredness of their marriage and the vows they make before God. God has decreed that marriage is to be as long as the husband and wife shall live. Jesus, referring to God’s law of marriage “from the beginning,” stated, “For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh. Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate” (Matthew 19:5-6, 8). Where is our value and honor for marriage when we toss aside our commitments and our vows before God in order to seek to please self and satisfy our own fleshly lusts?

Another way man displays dishonor and a lack of the proper value for marriage is when we toss aside the institution of marriage altogether. The disturbing trend in our society is to no longer use marriage as the basis for the home and our family relationships. It should be startling that marriage has lost its honored place as the foundation for the social fabric of our culture. In American history, marriage was once considered an indispensable rite of passage in a person’s life, but today, marriage is no longer viewed as an integral or even important part of our social and family life. Sexual activity is increasingly detached from the existence or even expectation of marriage. Cohabitation is emerging as an expected tradition and common experience for young adults. It is now viewed as the replacement for marriage as the first living together union.

A recent poll showed that an all-time record low number of Americans are married. In 1960, 72% of all adults (18 and older) were married. Today, that percentage is just 51%. Soon, more adults will unmarried than married. Perhaps even more disturbing is that the same survey revealed that of those born in the United States after 1980, 44% believes the institution of marriage is “obsolete” or “outmoded.” Americans are dishonoring marriage by neglecting it all together. The number of unmarried couples living together has soared 12 fold from 430,000 in 1960 to 5.4 million in 2005. This worldly philosophy has resulted in more and more children being born outside of marriage. The same survey showed that births to unmarried mothers in 1960 were at 5%, while in 2008 that number had risen to an astonishing 41%. From a societal point of view, this has become the new normal, but we must recognize that societal norms have no bearing on what God expects from man.

Today, the wisdom of the world says that it’s wiser to live together, cohabitate or “shack-up” before you make the decision as to whether you want to make the relationship permanent. This philosophy says that marriages will last longer if you take a “test drive” first – try the relationship out, see if it fits. First of all, we need to understand that the wisdom of the world and the wisdom of God will always stand in opposition to each other (see I Corinthians 1:18-31) and that our primary reason for rejecting this worldly wisdom is simply because it’s sinful and displeasing to our Creator and our Father in heaven (see the following paragraph). Beyond the fact that it’s sinful, we need to appreciate the fallacy of the human reasoning provided by so many around us. They say, “we have a better chance of staying together if we try it out first.” Facts say otherwise. Statistics show that 45% who begin cohabitating never marry before going their separate ways while 10% never marry while continuing to stay together. Of those who do get married after living together, they are actually 50% more likely to divorce than those who didn’t. Simply put, the wisdom of the world is a deceptive lie that Satan is increasingly effective in getting people to buy into. Solomon wrote in Proverbs 14:12, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.” This Scripture stands against the argument that “Everyone is doing it” or “It’s what’s accepted/expected in society.” Even if that be true, just because a path seems right doesn’t make it so when God has spoken. We need to learn to trust that God, as our Creator, knows what is best for man for a happy and blessed life (Proverbs 29:18; Deuteronomy 6:24).

We need to learn to honor marriage by withholding ourselves from sexual relations outside of marriage and to honor God and our future spouse by keeping ourselves morally pure. Honoring marriage must include the urgency for teaching future generations to do the same and “retain the standard of sound words” (II Timothy 1:13) regarding God’s pattern for the family and marriage. God has authorized man to enjoy sexual relations in the covenant of marriage and nowhere else. Sexual promiscuity dishonors God and the institution of marriage that He created and ordained for man’s relationships. We are expected to maintain our purity and holiness and “abstain from fleshly lusts, which wage war against the soul” (I Peter 2:11). Paul wrote in I Thessalonians 4:3-5, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality (fornication, ASV); that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion.” Dishonor to marriage and our “own vessel” comes through the practice of living together outside of marriage.

Will this trend ever be reversed? I don’t know, but all each of us can do is to re-commit ourselves to God and His will for our lives and have the courage to stand for, defend and advocate the principles His word teaches us regarding the importance, sanctity and permanence of marriage. Solomon wrote that “Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a disgrace to any people” (Proverbs 14:34). Our society’s collective lack of honor for marriage is indeed a disgrace – let us pray that we will never waver in unbelief but courageously defend what God has said and be the lights in this world He needs us to be (Matthew 5:14-16; Philippians 2:15).

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