Broken Homes
by Micky Galloway
Picture in your minds a wedding, maybe your own. The preacher says, “We are gathered here today before God … and in the presence of this company to join this man and this woman in Holy Matrimony …”
Now picture in your minds a court room with two people who formerly looked into each other’s eyes with the most intense emotion and love. Now they cannot even look at each other without bitterness. Two who formerly hoped and planned their lives together. Two who formerly ate together, worked together, played together, slept together, and went to worship God together. Now they sit at separate tables, with lawyers between them and a judge deciding their futures and the future of their children. COULD ANYTHING BE MORE WRONG THAN THAT? The final decree is spoken matter of factly, “Divorce granted.” Then the judge stands and walks away with a hundred other things on his mind, and the participants leave feeling stunned, empty, numb, rejected and lonely. So much is over so quickly. Again, CAN ANYTHING BE MORE WRONG THAN THAT???
The home is an institution that was planned by God from the beginning, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Jesus’ divine commentary on this is, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:6). Jesus further said regarding this sacred union, “Whosoever shall put away his wife, except for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and he that marrieth her when she is put away committeth adultery” (Matthew 19:9). Very simply, “One man, One woman, for life, One exception!”
In our nation it is said that one out of every two marriages end in divorce. Few marriages fail because of one single factor. Though only one basic fault of the husband or wife may underlay other considerations, usually several factors are involved. Whatever the cause, the consequences are always many and tragic.
Briefly, why do marriages succeed? Each mate is alert to say and do those things which, when present, will afford his marriage partner the mature company and conversation to which that companion is entitled (Proverbs 31:10-12, 27; Colossians 3:18-19; Ephesians 5:21-33). Neither will deny the other normal sexual pleasure (I Corinthians 7:3-5). Each partner finds emotional security in the love and attention of the other and anger is controlled even under the most adverse circumstances (Ephesians 4:31-32). Neither provokes the other to jealousy or constantly threatens to end the marriage (Colossians 3:19). Parenthood, when possible, is made a reality (Psalms 127:3-5). Both partners make wise use of their resources and avoid the tremendous burden of debt (Proverbs 31:13-24).
But why are so many homes broken?
Don’t believe in God. The number one reason is there has been a breakdown in faith! Too many people no longer believe in God, so they no longer believe that the Bible is His word. If it is not His word, it has no spiritual value to us today. Other books would then be of as much value to us. Evolution is taught to our children in school and often they are ready to accept the theories of human origin. Some teachers boldly deny the Bible account of creation. If there is no God, there is no accountability.
Don’t believe what God says. Hebrews 1:1-2 tells us that God has spoken. He has spoken on the subject of the home. God’s law on the permanence of marriage is revealed in Matthew 19:1-9 and Matthew 5:32. God does the joining and regulates who may be joined in marriage. Why, then do some say, “We can always get a divorce”? Perhaps we are listening to worldly council that has no regard for what God says or for our souls. When our hearts are filled with a respect for the authority of Christ, then that is the surest guarantee I know against divorce.
Fornication will keep us out of heaven and destroy our home. Hebrews 13:4 says, “(Let) marriage (be) had in honor among all, and (let) the bed (be) undefiled: for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” We must “Flee fornication” (I Corinthians 6:18). When Potiphar’s wife tempted Joseph to commit fornication with her, Genesis 39:12 says that Joseph, “left his garment in her hand, and fled, and got him out.” The Devil has won more victories on the battlefield of sexual desire than perhaps any other. Satan seeks to desensitize us by bombarding us with sexual images, and innuendo. Satan seeks to normalize deviant behavior. Today nearly sixty percent of American adults believe sex between an unmarried man and woman is morally acceptable. Only forty percent think it is wrong to have sex outside of marriage. The cultural acceptance of fornication, divorce, abortion and homosexuality has affected the thinking of many in the church. The scriptures teach, “Drink water from your own cistern and fresh water from your own well … let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:15,18).
Immodest attire. Paul wrote, “that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefastness and sobriety” (I Timothy 2:9-10). The wisdom writer spoke of a “woman with the attire of a harlot” (Proverbs 7:10). Remember, LOOKS CAN KILL! Jesus said, “that every one that looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart” (Matthew 5:28). When one dresses in such a way as to provoke such lusts, they do not escape responsibility. Strangely enough, many people who disapprove of fornication and adultery, condone everything that leads to it, as though it were right to contemplate the act, but wrong to commit the act. When parents who profess to be Christians do not give these things attention early to our children, how can we expect them to mature with proper respect for righteous living? It is here that such things as dancing and mixed swimming must be attacked. We are encouraging loose morals among young people and setting the stage for tragedy when we don’t.
Quarreling is condemned. Galatians 5:15 says, “But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another.” An arrogant, self-willed, domineering person will find himself alone (II Corinthians 12:20; Galatians 5:20; Colossians 3:8). “Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith” (Proverbs 15:17). In other words, it is better to eat only vegetables where there is love, than to have the choicest meat with hatred. “The contentions of a wife are a continual dropping” (Proverbs 19:13). Quarreling and nagging will destroy the home.
Materialism. Jesus commanded, “But seek ye first his kingdom, and his righteousness; and all these things (temporal necessities, mg) shall be added unto you” (Matthew 6:33). The wisdom writer said, “He that loveth silver shall not be satisfied with silver; nor he that loveth abundance, with increase: this also is vanity” (Ecclesiastes 5:10). Extravagance and selfishness, often causes folks to work more and more seeking to have more. The stress of being “head over heels” in debt may cost you your marriage.
In-Laws. If a couple is not ready and willing to leave his or her parents to build a new nest, they are not ready for marriage. The law of God from the beginning is to “leave … and cleave” (Genesis 2:24). In-laws should be loved and respected, but each marriage partner must be alert to the disposition of one or both of his parents to oversee his family life within his new family structure.
Alcohol & other drug use. One who drinks can never be the influence in his family that he otherwise might be. No drunkard “shall inherit the kingdom of God” (Galatians 5:21). The wisdom writer said, “Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler; And whosoever erreth thereby is not wise” (Proverbs 20:1). “Look not thou upon the wine when it is red, When it sparkleth in the cup, When it goeth down smoothly” (Proverbs 23:31). Alcohol is a depressant, not a stimulant, and there are many other depressants which affect the mind, and therefore the marriage.
Cessation of courtship. Of all the specific causes of marriage failures, the end of courtship might well be the most serious. If it is true that proper marriage is formed as a result of love developed over a time period prior to the wedding, it is reasonable that the marriage be perpetuated on the same basis. If courtship ceases the marriage as a love relationship is doomed to failure. The Bible teaches that love “does not behave itself unseemly” (I Corinthians 13:6). It never does the unkind, untactful, or uncouth either in word or deed. It is thoughtful, kind, courteous, and cultured. Marriage partners who continue to demonstrate their love and respect for one another after the wedding seldom find themselves in serious marital difficulty in latter months and years.
When we forget God and fail to respect His word, we become a law unto ourselves and live like the world. This brings sorrow in this life and threatens the very destiny of the soul. When there is a return to faith in God’s way, there will be fewer broken homes and many more happier homes.